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Chapter
Two
The Most
Important Person In Your Life
Today you will meet the most
important person in your life.
You will get to know, perhaps
for the first time at this depth and detail, the one truly irreplaceable
individual in your experience - YOU!
Not necessary, you say? You already
know just who and what you are? Don't be so sure! If you really
knew yourself as well as claimed, your life would be happier,
more fulfilling and successful.
Knowledge is power and self-knowledge
is the most powerful kind of knowing. We seldom act on what we
only suspect. We rarely improve our lives on a vague rumor, a
half-accepted cliché or an empty slogan. We act on what
we either know or at the very least what we believe to be true.
This is fine as long as our beliefs
are positive and open-ended and allow for new experiences, perceptions
and feelings. This is especially true if we allow them to help
us discover who we are as "individuals."
But the sad fact is we usually
do not "do" any such thing. Our beliefs are usually
sad hand-me- downs from others. They don't really fit us because
they weren't meant to. Our perceptions are usually second-hand;
that is, we haven't thought enough about our beliefs. So, we
simply apply the beliefs of others to us. This even applies to
the most important beliefs of all: those perceptions about who
we are; what we want; and how we can make ourselves happy and
successful.
No wonder our lives are so often empty, unfulfilling and frustrating.
When we don't really know what we're doing or why we're doing
it, how could we possibly succeed? Even if we reached our goals,
meant for others, they rarely can make us happy because they
aren't truly our personalized goals. Often those in authority
thrust these goals upon us, who believed that these goals of
theirs should be yours because they have been used for generations.
How can we tell if we have chosen the right goals for us? By
original, creative thinking and by finding ways of tapping into
our own special, unique talent, knowledge and personality. Locating
sources of inspiration, hope and energy make this task easier.
You must locate the sources of inspiration, hope and energy within
you. They are in there. Sources, which may have lain untapped
and unused, can be put into action if you know how to connect
with them.
So our dialogue, our safari,
begins only if you are willing to explore what is within you.
The ideas that follow will apply to you, but you are the final
judge as to how they apply to you. Question every idea discussed,
so that you will not simply follow without thinking or accepting
uncritically the ideas espoused. Prove each idea for your life.
Personal experience is the backbone of this program.
Only three steps are necessary
for your success:
1. Read carefully, with an open mind.
2. Test these ideas in your life. Keep those that apply and reject
those that don't.
3. Continue to apply those ideas that work for you. Expand and
develop them each and every day.
Accept only those ideas that
you know to be true in your life. See how they can make a difference
in your relationships and your career. If you believe in these
ideas, you can change your life, but it has to be you who implement
them. You cannot rely on anyone else. It must be this way!
You experience life in an enveloping
atmosphere, which should always expand.
It can either provide comfort, nourishment and direct access
to an expanding world within you, or it can become limited, smothering
and stagnant. Although we all have creative potential, available
energy and secret enthusiasm in amounts enough to launch almost
any new venture, not being aware of this cripples us. It limits
our personal horizons. It makes us vulnerable to any would-be
leader who claims to have some special knowledge, even though
they may neither know nor even care that we really are. They
certainly would not care about what would make you really successful.
In the most profound sense, we
are each responsible for our own success. No one else can be
trusted with this special burden. No matter how loved, how respected,
or how emotionally committed to us they may be, no one but you
can have this responsibility. This may sound like bad news, but
it's not. It's really good news indeed. It means our futures
are open; our potential is untapped and exhausted. Our imagination
and energy are now available for any worthy project we choose
- that our inner selves choose. Perhaps for the first time, we
are freed of any remnant of negative thinking, superstition or
crippling rumors. We can find out what we're really capable of
doing.
Each of us will have a different journey. Some of you will have
a rather short journey. You have experienced a level of success
that is most satisfying. But now you can prove to yourself what
you wanted to believe all along - that you are better, wiser
and more creative than others thought you were. How truly satisfied
you will soon be.
For others the journey will be
mind-boggling! You have been told that you were nothing but a
follower, but soon you will be leading! You have been lied to
about your potential, your lack of creativity, your lack of internal
resources. But now you can come to see yourself in a totally
new light! You will no longer see yourself through another's
biased perspective; rather, you can view yourself in a way you
never suspected. But beware, this can be unsettling, but it is
uplifting - at least for the brave.
We often hear about stereotypes.
When we think this way, we perceive others in shallow, incomplete
and dangerously distorted thoughts. This is a foundation for
racial intolerance, religious bigotry, fanaticism, and a host
of other social evils that are part of our world.
But there is a subtler and seldom
recognized set of stereotypes, tragically incomplete, absurdly
biased and almost comically one-dimensional. The worst stereotypes
are those we can have about ourselves!
When you believe that you are
not creative, unimaginative, lacking in enthusiasm and energy
and leadership qualities, you are stereotyping yourself. You
probably got this view of yourself from someone else. The real
problem comes when you put these thoughts into action or inaction.
If you believe you can't do something, you most likely won't
even try to do it, which reinforces the stereotype. In turn,
you don't even think about trying it. Accepting your limitations
even more, over and over, you continue down a grim, downward
spiral.
We all have our limits. But do
you think you've really discovered your true limits? You may
have accepted an artificial boundary in your character that someone
thought they saw in you. An overly protective parent, for example,
who is concerned about the health of their child, may constantly
reinforce the child's sense of being fragile, sickly and unable
to run and play like other children. Tending to accept the words
of an authority figure, especially of one who is intent upon
their welfare, the child then acts out such a negative description.
After a time, the child does not even try to exercise. First,
the child perceives the parent's concern, and then acts upon
it, creating the invalid the child soon becomes.
It's one thing to find out what
our limits are, or were. It's quite another to accept them on
blind faith from someone else, to assume that what we haven't
yet done, we can never do. What we should do is assume that our
personal history is an unfinished painting of what lies ahead
of us in the yet-to-be-completed future. Constant testing and
re-testing is the sign of a courageous spirit. The best tennis
game you played yesterday isn't necessarily the best you can
play. That great round of golf last Sunday may only hint at your
true abilities, if you have the will to continue to improve.
Of course, that's the real problem.
We tend to get lazy; too easily satisfied. We take shortcuts
and become sloppy in our views of other people and ourselves.
We take temporary situations as being permanent. We take past
errors as indications of our fixed limits.
In the process, we lose sight
of our creativity, energy and ability. When you look around,
you will invariably find someone there to reinforce your views.
All of us have been told in some
way or other that we are losers. We might aspire to second place,
but we do not have the "stuff to reach the pinnacle, to
be real winners. So, we act out this evaluation to the point
where we don't try our best. We fail to get the promotion, to
get that wonderful man or woman, to blow that important sales
presentation. Then this becomes evident that we cannot be victorious.
We conclude that we should stay where we are in that quite comfortable
place, that we are at the back of the Bus of Life and somehow
that's okay. But it's not!
Notice that the motivation of
the persons telling you this makes no difference to the outcome
in our lives. Regardless of their intention, the results could
cripple, stifle and even destroy us. When we're destined for
an also-ran kind of personal existence, the result is negative.
That's the bottom line. The lives of countless people prove this
grim fact every day.
We are born to be victorious.
We have the right to expect success, health, wealth and happiness.
But we sell ourselves short constantly. We betray what is the
highest and the best about ourselves by accepting less than we
deserve. And no one knows better than you what crushing impact
contrary views can have. Accepting discouraging words can smash
our self-esteem, our self-worth and our basic confidence. We
must have faith in our ability to cope with life's demands and
then to conquer whatever obstacles raise up which block our personal
goals.
We are meant to be champions. We are meant to experience victory
as our natural condition. Of course, this does not occur very
often in the real world. We tend to live out some worn out and
faded script. Our part in this script becomes pathetic and lackluster,
handed down to us by others, even parents, and we follow this
script in tight-lipped obedience.
Ironically, the use of sports
heroes in advertising, which are to inspire us, reinforces our
self-view that other people are better that we are. We see our
failures instead of their successes.
Worst, we compound this perception
by believing this gap as permanent. Instead of lifting our eyes
to the stars, our hopes are dashed once more to the ordinariness
of earth.
We should view famous athletes
for what they are - inspirations to us. They are inspiring not
only for superbly honed bodies and minds, but also because they
have triumphed over their own negative self-concepts. For they
did not surrender to the lie of predictions of failure, compromise
and surrender. They conquered and so can you.
It will probably require the
same kind of dedication, commitment and discipline from you to
conquer your obstacles. You must move beyond your limits and
create new goals. You don't have to be world-class athletes to
overcome fear, to discover the strength, the energy, the drive
and the courage within you. But you can use these people as role
models for excellence. Don't you think they also have had to
overcome the discouraging words of parents, coaches or reporters?
They have victorious spirits and so do you. You were born with
the same kind of spirit. But you probably have lost sight of
the goal of greatness because others have told us what we can't
attain, and we have believed them.
This ends up in a terrible assessment of who we are and what
we are worth. This has to change. The ideas presented here are
the tools of change, the instruments of your revolution.
The seeds of victorious and happy
living are within each of us, but layers of bad habit have usually
obscured them. Inside you are layers of negative thinking, pessimism
in all its bleak forms and fear in every conceivable shape. You
have been cut off from your inner resources. You have drifted
into patterns of thought and action, which cannot possibly bring
you anything but defeat. This leads to a fearful way of living,
which can only further undermine your remaining self-confidence
and make you even more vulnerable to despair. This process has
to be reversed. Bad habits have to be replaced by good ones.
Uncritical and naive acceptance of what others say about us -
or even what we have said about ourselves - has to be eliminated.
We must begin to see ourselves in a new light. We have to reestablish
contact with our internal wellsprings of creativity, courage
and imagination. This may mean looking beyond our personal failures.
That's only part of our story. We must remember them, but they
must not rule us. We must look beyond.
Each of us can succeed because
the innate ability to succeed is a part of our being from birth
- it is why we did not die at birth. We may not be able to succeed
from where we are this minute. It will require a basic shift
in our thinking, our actions and our daily behavior. We must
change our attitudes, re-align our friendships and perhaps alter
our career-path in order to bring this about. We will have to
erect new goals for ourselves; to re-define what personal success
and happiness mean. Then we must work harder than ever to make
our actions consistent with our stated objectives. This isn't
easy, but it will be worth it. Only in this way can we experience
our lives in a rewarding and spontaneous manner. We will perceive
and then savor our uniqueness. We can finally come to enjoy just
what makes us special, precious and worthy of respect, at least
from ourselves.
Stuck in our old habits, rooted in place by rut-bound ways thinking
and acting, we lose sight of everything worthwhile in life. Everything
from our sex life to our religious practices suffers. Our business
or professional career sags in the middle. Friendships fail to
bring us true satisfaction. And our most frenzied activity doesn't
advance us to step in our true journey toward happiness and fulfillment.
The willingness and courage to change is the price we all must
pay for personal progress.
A friend of mine was a psychiatric
counselor in a large community mental health center. One day
the staff and patients gathered to discuss the day's plans and
to ventilate worries, fears and concerns. Almost everyone complained
about something. The doctor had an idea. He asked everyone to
write down his or her worst problem. The papers were put in a
hat and were passed around the room, each taking a slip of paper.
They read, in turn, another person's problem. "Would you
exchange your problem," he asked, "for the one you
read?" Not a single person wanted to exchange their problems,
even those who had suicidal tendencies. Were these people happy
and fulfilled? Hardly. The truth is that these people had grown
accustomed to their problem. Their problems had become a "live,"
although unloved, entity in their lives. The very source of pain
had become a tolerated live-in guest.
We all have the courage to change.
We must be willing to risk the unknown to turn our lives in the
direction from which fulfillment can finally come. Everyone in
this therapy group knew what their problems were. In some cases,
they had lived with these complaints for years.
But this knowledge had done nothing
to change the situation. In fact, morbidly dwelling on your problems
day after day only serves to magnify them. A different approach
is called for. We should shift our attitudes, outlooks and behavior.
Emphasizing solutions rather that problems; on what can be done,
rather than on what can't be done is necessary.
Use knowledge you already have
about what hasn't worked to your advantage now. Working together,
we're going to consciously and deliberately reverse this negative
process. We are going to redirect our attention, re-focus our
energies, and re-define our goals and objectives in order to
create a lifestyle that is rewarding and spontaneously fulfilling.
Before we begin, you will have
to ask yourself a very serious and pointed question. Do not be
too quick to answer. Don't be flippant, or think the question
is silly. Ready?
Do you want to be successful? Careful now. What you say can and
will be used against you. Your present life-style can be brought
as evidence against your claim. Your negative attitudes, lists
of complaints, whining friends, and your own battered self-esteem
can all be examined. Every half-hearted project you have ever
started and then let collapse; every dream you have ever had,
then abandoned; every personal hope you have ever allowed to
die for lack of emotional nourishment will count against you.
To put the matter bluntly: If you were looking at your life,
warts and all, would it look to you like someone who wanted success?
Be honest. If the answer is yes, you are home free; you may close
this book. If the answer is no, then let's continue on.
We must begin with a very puzzling
question. If you really want to be successful, why is your life
the way it is? Why is there such a gap between what you profess
and what you actually do? Why don't you possess what you desire?
Perhaps you are afraid of success. Failure is easier to believe.
It also lowers the expectations of others and us. Winners are
expected to keep right on being winners. Losers keep right on
losing. Which is easier? They are equally easy for each.
But when it comes right down
to it, most people would rather tickle a rattlesnake than cure
up with success. They would rather lower their sights and settle
for a mediocre lifestyle than aim higher and risk disappointment.
I assume if you are still with
me, this no longer includes you. You want success, but simply
do not have the tools yet. Well, if that's the case, you are
in the best possible position to benefit from the ideas that
we are going to share together. And these ideas are tools, as
surely as the mechanic uses wrenches. They are meant to be practical
and to have immediate effects. But this will only happen if you
use them properly and with conviction.
What must you do first? Believe
what I'm telling you enough to come to terms with what I'm trying
to get across. If it makes sense, test it in the laboratory of
your mind and heart. Take it out to the test track of life and
run it full bore! Take the principles I am about to share and
apply them. Apply them every day for the rest of your life. You
will find that each success will help you make the next success
more likely.
Each victory will make the next
victory easier. Finally, victory and success will become second
nature to you, just like breathing, walking and talking.
No matter how you define success,
these principles can help you in your quest. Following them will
make it possible for you to finally experience financial independence
and emotional security. At the same time, you will be learning
the basic requirements of leadership, making you into the kind
of successful leader who does well in every enterprise pursued.
This includes business, marriage,
romantic or family life. The principles contain the same basic
features. The way they are applied gives them an individual flavor
and makes them relevant to your own life.
You and your best friend could
read these principles together; yet get different messages from
them. You could then experience success as you each define it,
even if your choices might seem worlds apart.
This is just as it should be.
Sound principles - like those of mathematics -should be broad
enough to serve many different ends. Yet they should allow for
individual choices, goals and values.
SUMMARY OF CHAPTER
TWO
"The Most Important Person In Your Life"
- The most important person
in your life is you!
- Your self-perception is usually
"hand-me-downs" from other significant people in your
life.
- Know the three steps to success.
1. Read with an open mind.
2. Test ideas.
3. Apply them to your life
- Experience life in an expanding
atmosphere of self-knowledge.
- The seeds of victory are
planted at birth, but we have smothered them by bad habits.
- Do you really want success?
The Steps to Power
Up!
The Most Important Person
In Your Life Is You!
One of the hardest things in
the world to discover is one's own aptitude. Ask yourself the
following questions:
What is my mission in life?
What is my work?
What are my talents?
What faculties do I possess?
What am I best fitted for?
What am I doing that is not worthwhile?
Questionnaire:
In light of the answers to the
questionnaire on the previous page, how will you go about putting
your talents and aptitudes to work for you? What is the best
use you can make of your life? Here are some questions to help
you formulate your overall goals.
1. What will I do with my life?
2. What are my five most important goals in life?
3. What is my one big purpose or objective in life? Detail fully.
4. What would I like to accomplish in the next twelve months?
5. What would I like to accomplish in the next five years?
6. What are all the ways I can think of to reach my goals?
7. If I could wave a magic wand and could do or be anything I
wished to be, what would I want? Take
into consideration your age and time needed for training, etc.
Chapter 3
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