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Chapter
Nine
Success And
Self-Esteem
Now you understand
the importance of imagination, positive outlooks, and courage.
But you will fail on your path to success without self-esteem.
If you suffer from
a poor estimate of your worth, the elements we've discussed above
will have only academic value. If your self-esteem is low, you'll
undermine every effort made to achieve success. You must believe
that you deserve success, or every attempt to reach it will be
sabotaged. Inadequate self-esteem may well be the greatest cause
of failure. It may be the greatest barrier to success which you
are likely to encounter.
Those with low self-esteem
may not be aware of it. They hide it from themselves and others.
They may demonstrate bravado, but they are hiding an inner lack,
which will undermine any consistent effort to pursue success.
They feel inferior, shame, guilt, or inadequacy. Even if we don't
know they are there, they can still damage us. Hidden turmoil
typically does the greatest damage because, like the hidden cancer,
we don't operate until it's too late.
Self-esteem is not
obvious. Some who are reflective and aware are not in touch with
their self-esteem. Their words say one thing and their actions
say quite another. Self-esteem, among other things, is the way
we feel about ourselves. It includes our feeling of self-worth
and whether we deserve good things and happy experiences. If
there is a flaw here, we won't believe we deserve anything of
positive and lasting value. This includes the biggest brass ring:
Success.
Though we may proclaim
loudly our desire for success, and make all sorts of valiant
efforts in that direction, nothing of lasting worth can be built
on a shaky foundation. If we have doubts about who we are and
what we're really worth, they will plague us at every turn. We
won't realize what's really going on. So, effort is expended,
results come rolling in, but success eludes us. The terrible
cycle continues.
Your lack of success
is now used as proof of your unworthiness on a subjective level.
Failure invites failure. Your self-esteem plummets lower. Does
this sound familiar?
This scenario is all
too commonly seen. We see people who seem intent upon success,
yet they fail to achieve it. Sometimes this can be dramatic,
or quiet, but always frustrating.
Their motives seem
intact, and their actions laudable. They put in those long hours
and go through all the appropriate motions, but success remains
the same elusive phantom. They may blame bad luck, but it's more
likely poor self-esteem. It will "head you off at the pass"
every time.
One of the most pointed
questions you can ask yourself is: "Do I feel that I deserve
success?" Don't be too quick to answer. Look at your behavior
for clues. What do you see? A straight, clean line leading from
where you are to where you'd like to be? Or is it a zigzag line
so jumbled there is not a clue as to its beginning or end?
Is there any topic
so much discussed, but so little understood, as self-esteem?
Everyone wants success, or at least they say they do. Yet, few
achieve it even temporarily. Clearly, there must be more going
on than what meets the eye. Most of it must be below the surface
- poor self-esteem. When you feel you deserve something bad to
happen to you, what's likely to happen? You set yourself up for
failure. You do those things that will lead you to fail. Your
timing is thrown off and your decisions waver at crucial moments.
Your confidence dips when you need it most. In a competitive
world, you don't have to be off very much to come in second place
time after time.
This is subtle sabotage,
nothing obvious or heavy-handed. It's just enough to guarantee
a little goof-up here, a mistake there, an error of judgment
somewhere else. No one knows why, not even you, if you're involved
in this malingering little game with yourself.
We cannot explore
the dynamics of self-esteem in depth here. There are a number
of fine works on this issue and references to them can be found
at the end of this book. All that can be done here is to strike
a cautionary note; to put you on guard about the possibility
low self-esteem can be the failures you have experienced. There
are plenty of other explanations why a person might not have
been able to achieve success. The reference to self-esteem problems
is only meant to touch on an area that might be overlooked in
your analysis of the issue. Personal inventory should be conducted
in such a way to include these evasive and crucial aspects of
self-knowledge.
Building self-esteem is a knotty problem indeed, and well deserves
a separate work. But we can't leave out a passing mention of
it if we are to be complete in the discussion of success.
Don't think you can
cheat when it comes to generating solid self-esteem. The all-too-easy
answer, that you automatically deserve self-esteem because you
are a human being, won't cut it! Many have done nothing to deserve
self-esteem. Their convictions that they don't deserve success
may not be far off the mark. There should be a well-balanced
feeling of self-worth. It should be grounded in social and interpersonal
reality. If you haven't done anything that is laudable, praise-worthy
or special, then perhaps the little success you've been able
to attain is simply in proportion.
If this is the case,
you need to get busy and do something which boosts the worth
you place on yourself. This can include everything from charitable
work, to getting on that exercise program, from breaking some
of those nasty habits you've been grumbling to yourself about,
to something far more ambitious and grandiose.
The logic is the same.
You must earn the right to think well of yourself. Your self-assessment
needs to be more than whimsical; it must bear the stamp of reality.
This will involve tasks you've achieved, and goals you've reached,
and challenges you've accepted and then triumphed over. For without
all of these, you're only kidding yourself. There's no short
cut to solid self-esteem, any more than there's one to success.
The two are intimately related. They are both bound to the hard
facts of social activity and good old-fashioned hard work.
One way to improve
your feeling of self-esteem, apart from those implicit above,
is to share your success with other people. Develop an open and
generous attitude toward what you've been able to accomplish
and discover a way of spreading the wealth around.
Your willingness to
give of your time, resources and other gifts will do wonders
for your self-esteem. You can't keep good works a secret from
yourself. However, it's hard to convince a part of yourself that
you are worthy of respect when another part knows what a sneak
you've become to get there. The way you feel about yourself is
contagious. If you genuinely believe you're a worthy person,
others pick up on your attitude. So, before you go one step further,
take time to determine the level of your self-esteem. Take the
corrective measures, if necessary.
SUMMARY
OF CHAPTER NINE
"Success And
Self Esteem"
Even with imagination, positive outlooks, and courage, you will
fail without self-esteem.
If you doubt your
self-worth, success will be limited. Do you feel like you deserve
success?
Do something that
boosts the worth that you place on yourself.
Sharing your success
with others often improves your self-esteem.
Then others will elevate
their opinion of you.
Take the time to discover
your level of self-esteem.
The
Steps to Power Up!
The
Tools You Need
1. Member / Associate
2. Power Up! Training
3. Local Calendar of Events
4. Recruiting Video and Audio Tapes
5. Three-way Calling
6. Monday Night Conference Call Numbers
7. Information Line
8. Daytimer or Appointment Book
9. Work Station in Your Home
10. Presentation
Book or Flip Chart
Chapter Ten
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